Will you join me?
I was not who I imagined myself to be.
The decade from 2010-2019 was painful.
I began the decade at the beginning of many things. The beginning of my healing journey, the beginning of taking my art career seriously, the beginning of fighting for the life I wanted… the beginning.
In 2010, I was 220lbs of pure fat, pure depression, pure chaotic trauma; how I even survived the first year at a prestigious art school, I have no idea. I was LOST, both mentally, spiritually, physically… in every way possible. It was a time when I would say I hit the rock bottom of it all.
I stood in front of the mirror and looked at myself, surrounded by mess, surrounded by the pain outwardly expressed in my surroundings. The chaos was everywhere, and I felt like I was drowning.
The 220 lbs of pure lard was not my issue. My issue was that as a child, I saw myself as a warrior, a fighter, a Xena, sitting and eating anything to stuff down the amount of trauma I was unwilling to process. That was the part I had realized. I could not create art, and I failed to see the beauty I once had.
I was not who I imagined myself to be.
It took me a while to wake up, to have that fleeting moment of clarity, when I realized that this was not the future I wanted for myself.
I did not want to be overweight.
I did not want to be depressed.
I did not want to be in physical pain.
I did not want to give up.
I come from a family of suicidal artists, of hardworking people, of people who struggled to accept their voices and stories.
At the beginning of the last decade, I made a choice to believe that despite all genetics, naysayers, doubt, and disbelief, I could attain the health that I wanted.
I HAD TO DECIDE.
I wanted to move forward with life and love and embrace the friction I was about to experience.
I am in a healthy, athletic body.
I am an artist.
I am moving towards the life I aspire to.
I am letting go of what does not serve me.
BELIEVE in your GOALS.
Within ten years, I turned around generations of programming, giving up, and victimization because I chose to seek more.