Navigating Doubt
When we begin our journey of self-discovery, we start from a place of weakness, unsure if we can accomplish our goals. We will meet people who support us and help us to attain our goals; these people could be friends, family and strangers. We hope that our friends and family will create a supportive network for us to rely on-- but sometimes, this will not be the case. They may tease us about our goals, or they may doubt us. None of it feels good and can make even the most qualified heroes hesitate to begin.
Why does the resistance happen?
They care about us and do not want to see us get hurt. When trying something new, there is always fear attached. Our loved ones are used to our current habits, behaviours, and beliefs. If we decide to change, this may cause our closest circle to become unsure of how things will change in the future and the relationship dynamic.
On top of that uncertainty, when we begin to take steps towards the unknown, it will remind others of their lack of the journey—the journey that they were called to achieve and have been putting off for months, years, or even decades. If we decide to tackle our dreams (and they haven’t), they will want to see failure—or worse, not even begin—so they feel better about their situation.
How do you respond to resistance in your relationships while at the same time focusing on achieving your goals?
Creating boundaries: Knowing what we will and will not allow people to do or say around us. If your family teases you at family gatherings (or your friends when you catch up), state to the person or the group that you do not like it and want it to stop. Loved ones usually do not mean to hurt you; they may be unsure how to understand the changes that you are creating and possibly need more assistance to understand.
Creating Distance: If people talk negatively or tease you about your goals, it may be best to create distance for a certain time. This time will allow you to forge towards your goals unhindered and feel more confident in your direction while allowing them space to digest their behaviour.
Tip: They will only reflect on their behaviour if you tell them it is a problem.
But what if you can not create distance? What if you live with them and cannot remove yourself from that situation right now?
Neutral ground.
We can implement this idea when we cannot create distance between us and a person/situation due to being required to see them regularly. Neutral ground means
Define your boundaries (as above, of what you will and will not allow).
Define your physical boundaries (Living space, office, bedroom, etc.). Whatever your physical boundaries are, this is NOT a shared space. This is your space only. Thrive in your defined physical space, work on your goals there, use the internet, and go to coffee shops or places to meet other like-minded people. Do not allow that person to create negative behaviour in your space. It is your sacred ground.
But what about common areas?
Neutral. They say something that triggers you, such as a negative comment, a sigh, a look, or anything to torment you. This will cause you to want to react; if you do, you play right into their hand.
Try these out:
Smile genuinely-- if you can’t smile, don’t.
If they start a conversation, keep it positive.
Reply to their negative comments with positivity.
Stay quiet, and do not let their energy affect you. Keep yourself upbeat and energized, and do not create a story about what they may be thinking about. It is not your business.
Focus on your goals, not your situation.
Leave the common space better than when you found it to allow no discourse to build.
If your goals are mentioned, let them ask questions and answer them genuinely and openly. Do not elaborate more than necessary. It is your goal—you do not need to convince or involve them (unless your goals actually involve them).
Create a solid exit plan. If you cannot thrive in the environment, keep a couple of exit plans in place (an ideal and an emergency) in case the environment turns and you can not keep the relationship neutral.
When we go on our journeys, we want to bring those we love along. Sometimes, this can happen; other times, unfortunately, they have their own journey to discover. Do not let that hinder you from pursuing your passions and discovering yourself. Focus on your life; you are the only one able to live it.